Bucket List

#27: To perform at Tuachan.
And next season is mine for the taking!

Moving.

In exactly 16 days, I will be moving out.. into an apartment.
Away from my family.
With two girls I've never met before in my life.



I'm excited!
To have my own place.
To live closer to school.
To make lots of new friends.
To host BBQs and game nights.
To be able to wake up a half an hour before class and still be on time.
To play sand volleyball whenever I feel like it.
To buy groceries.
To decorate & furnish.



I'm sad.
To leave my parents.
To leave Kyler.
To not be here when my sister is tiny.
To leave Koda.
To abandon the days of towel fights, water fights, and all-around torture from Dad.
To leave Mom, one of my best friends in the whole world.
To leave my ward.
To leave my friends.
To pack up all of my stuff.
To leave the porch swing(s).



Life is gonna change forever.
That's for sure.

hehe :}

"Beliefs get ingrained in ourselves. It just takes the effort to recognize that they're wrong by facing them with honesty.

Doing that over time changes our thoughts."

-Jeff Kohler

People tell us things. They tell us we're not good enough, that we aren't living up to our potential, that we'll never accomplish our goals, that we won't live up to our dreams. After hearing these types of things for so long, we begin to believe them. They are "ingrained" into our very being. And they're hard to get rid of. But if we learn to decipher these lies and deceit from the truth.. We will come to know that we are each sons and daughters of our Heavenly Father. He loves each and every one of us so very much, and has blessed us with unique talents and gifts. It is our sacred duty to recognize the blessings we have been given.. to magnify and perfect our talents so that we may glorify the Lord through them.

Some may tell us that we aren't special, that we are nobody, that we aren't worth anything.

This is not true.

We are all special in the eyes of our Heavenly Father. We are precious. We are loved. We are priceless. If we can realize this, we can change our way of thinking about ourselves. We may come to know of our Father's love for us. And we may come to recognize those around us who truly care about us, and who would do anything to see us succeed.

"Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent."

-Eleanor Roosevelt

Today's Talk

As you probably already know, yesterday was Pioneer Day. I think it necessary to say “probably” because yesterday on Facebook, one of my out-of-state friends put “Happy Pioneer Day Utahns!” as her status, and someone had commented that they had no idea there was such a holiday.. They had to look it up.

Before delving into the specific topics I’d like to cover today, I want to propose the question: “What, or who, is a pioneer?” President Monson defined a pioneer as “someone who goes before for others to follow”. Yes, the saints who crossed the plains in order to reach Salt Lake were pioneers, but so are many of us here today. In his talk at the Fresno California North Stake Conference in 1997, Elder Larry Lawrence spoke about a few different types of pioneers. Some of the examples he gave include:

• Being the first person in your family to join the Church.
• Being the first person in your immediate family to serve a mission.
• Being married in the temple without members of your immediate family present.
• Being the first person in your family to go to college.
• Being the oldest child in your family.

If you fall into any of these categories, you are a pioneer. You are leading the way; providing an example for others to follow. If you are the first person in your family to join the Church, you have most likely left so much behind. Family, friends, a lifestyle. A verse in the book of Matthew gives reassurance to pioneers of this kind: “And everyone that hath forsaken houses, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my name’s sake, shall receive an hundredfold, and shall inherit everlasting life”. Being the first to do anything is scary. But it can be a wonderful thing. By being the first to join the church, serve a mission, be married in the temple, go to college, or anything else, you are setting an example to those around you. And by blazing a path for those around you to follow, you will receive countless blessings.

The faith of the pioneers crossing the plains to the Salt Lake Valley was indescribably strong and pure. The trials they went through only strengthened that faith in this gospel. In the 2002 July Ensign, the first presidency message by James E. Faust stated this:

“These excruciating experiences developed in these pioneers an unshakable faith in God. Said Elizabeth Horrocks Jackson Kingsford, “I believe the Recording Angel has inscribed in the archives above, and that my sufferings for the Gospel’s sake will be sanctified unto me for my good.” 5

In addition to the legacy of faith bequeathed by those who crossed the plains, they also left a great heritage of love—love of God and love of mankind. It is an inheritance of sobriety, independence, hard work, high moral values, and fellowship. It is a birthright of obedience to the commandments of God and loyalty to those whom God has called to lead this people. It is a legacy of forsaking evil. Immorality, alternative lifestyles, gambling, selfishness, dishonesty, unkindness, and addiction to alcohol and drugs are not part of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

I have wondered why these intrepid pioneers had to pay for their faith with such a terrible price in agony and suffering. Why were not the elements tempered to spare them from their profound agony? I believe their lives were consecrated to a higher purpose through their suffering. Their love for the Savior was burned deep in their souls and into the souls of their children and their children’s children. The motivation for their lives came from a true conversion in the center of their souls. As President Gordon B. Hinckley has said, “When there throbs in the heart of an individual Latter-day Saint a great and vital testimony of the truth of this work, he will be found doing his duty in the Church.” 6

Above and beyond the epic historical events they participated in, the pioneers found a guide to personal living. They found reality and meaning in their lives. In the difficult days of their journey, the members of the Martin and Willie Handcart Companies encountered some apostates from the Church who were returning from the West, going back to the East. These apostates tried to persuade some in the companies to turn back. A few did turn back. But the great majority of the pioneers went forward to a heroic achievement in this life and to eternal life in the life hereafter. Francis Webster, a member of the Martin Company, stated, “Everyone of us came through with the absolute knowledge that God lives for we became acquainted with him in our extremities.” I hope that this priceless legacy of faith left by the pioneers will inspire all of us to more fully participate in the Lord’s work of bringing to pass the immortality and eternal life of His children.”

In 2005, I had the opportunity to travel with my stake to Wyoming and take part in a four day trek - walking in the very footsteps of my pioneer ancestors through Dan W. Jones’ Cove, Martin’s Cove, the Sweetwater River, Sixth Crossing, Rocky Ridge, and Rock Creek Hollow. All while pulling a handcart laden with my “family’s” belongings. At each historic stop, we were told stories of how the pioneers suffered and died and had to leave family members and friends bodies on the side of the trail for the wolves to come and take away. With each story my heart felt more love for them, for the sacrifices they went through, for the ultimate test of faith that they had to endure. But it didn’t really hit home for me until Rocky Ridge. The bishops of each ward were told to give out “handicaps” and “trials” to certain people. And I was one of them. My bishop stopped me and took me aside, while my family kept going. He told me that because of the horrible conditions and suffering I had gone through, I had lost my sight. He then tied a blindfold around my eyes, and let me back to my handcart. I was terrified. I grabbed onto the back of that handcart and held on for dear life. We were crossing Rocky Ridge at that point, and there were rocks jutting out at every angle, waiting to trip me. The handcart was bouncing all over the place because of these rocks, and it was hard to hold on. But, by some miracle, I didn’t fall. I didn’t trip. I didn’t even stumble. And if you know me at all, it’s a rare day when I don’t stumble and trip and end up on the ground.. when I can see. But there was something there that day, surrounding me. Guiding me. I can only imagine that this is what the pioneers felt like when they were too cold and too exhausted to go on. I know that they had divine help, just like I did that day. On the trek we were told a story about a wife whose husband could not walk another step. So she put him in their handcart and pulled. Alone. We had eight of us to a handcart on our trek, and we still had troubles pulling it along. She had to have had angels helping her pull her husband across the plains in the bitter cold. Elder M. Russell Ballard said: “ Life isn’t always easy. At some point in our journey we may feel much as the pioneers did as they crossed [the plains] -- up to our knees in mud, forced to bury some of our dreams along the way. We all face rocky ridges, with the wind in our face and winter coming on too soon. Sometimes it seems as though there is no end to the dust that clouds our vision. Sharp edges of despair and discouragement jut out of the terrain to slow our passage. Occasionally we reach the top of one summit in life, as the pioneers did, only to see more mountain peaks ahead, higher and more challenging than the one we have just traversed. Tapping unseen reservoirs of faith and endurance, we, as did our forebears, inch over forward toward that day when our voices can join with those of all pioneers who have endured in faith, singing, ‘All is well! All is well!’” It is my hope that one day we will all have the unwavering faith and strength that these pioneers had, so that we may be able to overcome any trial that comes my way, and so we may sing with our brothers and sisters and rejoice of our successful trip home to our Father in Heaven.
The love that these Latter-Day-Saints had for their brothers and sisters in the Church is immeasurable. Many great acts of service were performed and recorded in the journals of these saints. But the one that hits home to me is an event that transpired at the Sweetwater River crossing. Although not the only remarkable story associated with the rescue, the Martin Company’s crossing of the Sweetwater serves as a reminder that for an extended period of time countless individuals demonstrated the best of human nature under extremely adverse conditions.
“After the [Martin Company] had given up in despair, after all hopes had vanished, after every apparent avenue of escape seemed closed, three eighteen-year-old boys belonging to the relief party came to the rescue, and to the astonishment of all who saw, carried nearly every member of the ill-fated handcart company across the snowbound stream. The strain was so terrible, and the exposure so great, that in later years all the boys died from the effects of it. When President Brigham Young heard of this heroic act, he wept like a child, and later declared publicly, ‘that act alone will ensure C. Allen Huntington, George W. Grant and David P. Kimball an everlasting salvation in the Celestial Kingdom of God, worlds without end.’”
I’m sure you’ve all heard the song, “Go Bring Them In,” but I’m going to read the lyrics for you today.

November 1856
Just west of Devil’s Gate
A place they now call Martin’s Cove
Sacred ground of faith
Some hours ago we somehow crossed
Sweetwater’s sheets of ice
At times it took your breath away
At times it took your life

The sky is growing dark again
There’s little food to eat
The chilling wind cut to the bone
I cannot feel my feet
I know that Zion lay just ahead
As I rest and close my eyes
Will I wake to see the morn
Or maybe Paradise?

Now tonight I dream of Kirtland
Zion’s Camp’s holy test
I dream of Independence
Liberty and Far West
Tonight I dream of Nauvoo
Brother Joseph’s iron will
Tonight I dream of Carthage
And how we miss him still

And tonight I dream of Bethlehem
Nazareth and Galilee
Tonight I dream of miracles
From our Master and our King
Somewhere it starts as whispers
Then turns to shouts so clear
Wake up, wake up, it’s not a dream
The Valley Boys are here!

Go bring them in from the plains
Go bring them in from the storm
Like a fire the Spirit’s burning
Bring them in and keep them warm
Go bring them in from the plains
Go bring them in from the cold
Wrap your loving arms around them
Bring His peace to their souls

Now it’s me who walks these steps
Just west of Devil’s Gate
A place we now call Martin’s Cove
Sacred ground of faith
In silence and in reverence
Sweetwater we now cross
And hear the echo of their prayers
Their tears and their loss

The night still needs a light that shines
His truth we need to share
To honor those who came this way
We’ll lift up and we’ll care
On our backs and in our hearts
We’ll carry and proclaim
And heed a prophet’s call once more
Go bring them in from the plains!

George W. Grant, one of the three boys that carried the members of the Martin Handcart Company across the Sweetwater is my ancestor. And I’m so grateful for the knowledge that he was willing to risk his health and his life in order to preserve the lives of his brothers and sisters in the gospel. I can’t wait to meet him, and hear the story first hand. His story inspires me to serve my brothers and sisters. Because if I do, I know there will be blessings to follow. I encourage all of you to perform service. Although we may not have to ford a river full of ice in the dead of winter, carrying our friends across to safety, we can perform acts of service every day. Because, as the scripture states, “Inasmuch as ye have done it unto the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.”

I love my mothers. I appreciate them for everything they do for me, and for my brothers and sisters. I know that they are doing His work. I could never express how truly grateful I am to them.

I am so proud to be a woman.. To be able to someday have the opportunity to raise my children in the gospel. In my patriarchal blessing it says that the greatest blessing I will ever be given is that of motherhood. And I truly believe that. I anxiously await the day that I get to hold a baby of my own in my arms. But until then, I will prepare myself the best I can.. become the best person that I can be.. so that I may be able to teach my children right from wrong, and share my testimony of the gospel with them.. so that they may know from the very beginning that it is true.

It's Official..

I'm just a heart-breaker.
That's all there is to it.







P.S..

• Kyler is walking now (little bits)
• I'm numero uno on the "who to contact" list when Danielle goes into labor.
• Which means I get to take care of my sweet baby brother during that time :] I'm so excited to spend that time with him! And I'm so grateful that I was my parents' first choice in the matter :D
• I need a car. Maybe I just need to test drive a few more of them, but I can't get that adorable baby blue Honda Civic Hybrid out of my head!
• I want a running buddy.

Why can't things be easy? I know the saying "I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it." And I don't want it to be easy all the time.. just here and there maybe.. little spurts of ease and relaxation and worry-free existence.

If only, if only.. the woodpecker sighs.

Choices

I don't want to choose.
I don't think I have to.
Every time I ask for an opinion, I get told something new.. and the decision that I've made in my brain evaporates and I have to re-evaluate the whole situation.
And it's getting kind of old.
So maybe I won't decide.
Maybe I'll just take a seat at this fork in the road and play in the dirt.
I want to go down all of the roads, I want to be able to choose everything.. instead of just one. So I'll sit here and wait.
Until I'm ready to let go of the other possibilities and be happy with my choice.
There will be no regrets.
No "I wish I knew what was down that other road.. Where it might have taken me.." attitude.
And so I'll sit, and wait, and play in the dirt until I know with a surety which road is the right one for me.

Bucket List #26

26. Perform "To the Summit" by Jon Schmidt

I Just Keep

digging myself deeper into a hole..

& I have no idea how I'm going to get out of this one.

Gratitude

I'm so grateful for my mother. If it wasn't for her, I'd be purchasing a plane ticket to Orlando right about now.

She made me remember what I really want in life.. and how to stay on the path towards that goal.

"Never give up what you want most, for what you want at the moment."

Music, an education, an eternal companion, a family, and happiness are what I want most. And in order to achieve all that.. I'm staying here. For now.

But even though I've decided not to spend a large amount of money to fly to Florida for an audition at Disney World, I'm keeping my eye out for auditions at Disneyland in California. Having the opportunity to perform as Belle has always been a dream of mine, and just because I'm not pursuing it right now doesn't mean I've given up the dream. It's just not right at this time in my life.

So thank you , Mom.. for helping me remember what I want most out of life.

A Sign That You've Never Been in a Fight in Your Life

Whenever I hear the phrase "I want to punch him in the nose!" my mind doesn't generate an image of a high-impact, face-smashing, bone-breaking, fist-to-face contact. Rather, I picture the person going "bop!" on the other person's nose, barely making notable contact. It's really a comical scene that I think of.. :]

i heart

post-its. :]

Do The Math

"The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings." ~Eric Hoffer

Thoughts

Work was long.
My feet hurt.
Jacob is a jerk.
I miss Aubrey.
I miss Taylor.
I miss Evie.
I miss Natalie.
I miss Brenna.
I need a new car.
I wish I knew how to say no.
I want to go back to Provo, it's too hot down here.
I need a running buddy.
I'd like a boyfriend.
But then again I don't think I want one.
I hope I get as much money as the FAFSA says I will.
I need an apartment.
I should clean my room.
I'm going to have the oil changed in my car tomorrow.
I miss Jeff.
I wish I had time to hang out with everyone that wants to, and still have time to work and chill all by myself.
I have forty hot dogs, forty buns, three bags of chips, two gallons of juice, two bags of popsicles, 100 plates, a box of plastic silverware, and a bag of charcoal that I'm not sure what to do with.
Tomorrow will be a better day.

Bucket List

1. Work at Disneyland as Princess Belle
2. Run a marathon
3. Marry in the temple
4. Compete in the Miss Utah Pageant
5. Save a life
6. Go on a cross-country road trip
7. Conduct a world famous symphony
8. Go on a mission with my eternal companion
9. Have a chick-flick worthy summer romance
10. Keep my room clean for a month straight
11. Go on a blind date
12. Learn to play the saxophone & the guitar
13. Fold 1,000 origami cranes for someone special
14. Join a ballroom dance company
15. Go parasailing
16. Go zorbing
17. Visit the 7 new wonders of the world
18. Be a member of a studio audience
19. Milk a cow by hand
20. Ride in a gondola in Venice
21. See the 7 natural wonders of the world
22. Become a mom :]
23. Learn another language
24. Name a star (officially)
25. Own my dream home (no mortgage)
26. Perform "To the Summit" by Jon Schmidt
27. Perform at Tuachan

These items are in no specific order, and there are more to come, as I think of them :]

eh..

I'm not very fond of the new guy in our office. :\

Jim & Bob should come back.

Independence Day Weekend

This weekend was full of wonderful adventures. I went up north to visit my very good friend, Jeff. Whenever we talk, I'm always left pondering many subjects, with new perspectives and opinions to consider. During our two days spent together, we talked about everything from movies, to sushi, to where we want to live, to what kind of person we want to marry, to effective and ineffective types of billboards.

Saturday morning we went to the Freedom Festival in downtown Provo. There were so many awesome booths selling trinkets, food, artwork, and there was even face painting. Jeff and I saw a booth that sold "Twisted Taters" and we just had to try them. They were amazing! We stopped and watched a reptile show, which was so entertaining! We were right up front, sitting on the grass with little kids all around us. It was so cute to see them get so excited and scared about the different animals that were brought out. After the show we were both thoroughly sunburned.. so we went on a journey to find some aloe vera and sunscreen. Once victorious after a visit to Walgreens, we headed over to Colonial Days at the park. We were able to catch the last bit of the pageant that was being put on, and then we walked around, making a quick stop at the Statue of Liberty, and exploring the tents filled with colonial products. One lady was selling home-made brooms. They were so awesome to look at! (And they swept really well, too!) I got to learn how to shoot a gun that would have been used in war in colonial days. It was so heavy! The man that was teaching me how to shoot it told me that if I had been a soldier in those days, I would have had to pull off three or four rounds a minute. That seems absolutely impossible to me.. it took me five minutes just to load it once!

Once we had had our fill of colonial-ness.. we decided we were hungry! So we went to this little "hole-in-the-wall" type place called Sushi Ya; an all-you-can-eat sushi bar. It was SO good! But we ate so much, I was still full the next day! After lunch/dinner, we decided a nap would be a good idea. So we found a park with some shady trees, stretched out, and fell asleep. The weather in Provo that day was absolutely perfect. I could have slept under that tree forever. It felt good just to be outside, with slivers of sunshine dancing across my face, a gentle breeze drifting lazily by. But sadly, the time came for braving the parking lot jungle of Stadium of Fire.
After we had made our way through traffic and to our seats, a huge feeling of excitement began to set in. I'd never been to Stadium of Fire before, but I had heard so many good things about it. And what I had heard was exactly correct. There were so many talented people involved, and I can only imagine how many hundreds of volunteers were involved in making the event run smoothly. Everyone who performed did spectacularly, and the fireworks were absolutely breathtaking!

Sunday was absolutely crazy. I was woken up by my sweet little cousin, Maddie. :] After a bit of morning chit-chat, I hopped back upstairs to get ready for the day. We headed over to Jeff's niece's house for a luncheon before church, because her baby boy was getting blessed in sacrament that day. Lunch was overwhelming. I shook so many hands I thought my arm was going to fall off. And there were so many people, so many names, so many faces. I couldn't even imagine trying to remember them all. But meeting everyone was enjoyable. Everyone smiled it seemed to me that they genuinely meant it when they said "I'm so glad to meet you!"

Sacrament was a joy. I got the privilege of holding baby Kaleb and keeping him entertained was so much fun! We colored, read books, and open and closed the hymn books who knows how many times. I really enjoyed it, and I can't wait to be able to spend such sweet, irreplaceable time with my own kids.

I'm so grateful I had the opportunity to spend this weekend with such awesome, genuine, inspiring people. I absolutely loved every moment of it!


I really slacked off in the picture-taking department this time around.. It won't happen again!

The Beginning

My name is Jessica. I am a Latter-Day Saint, a daughter, a sister, a friend. A college student, a musician, and a giggle box.

I love life. I love being able to experience everything that I do. The ups, downs, twists, and turns are all part of the ride, and that's what makes it enjoyable. Wouldn't life be a terrible bore if it was only a stretch of flat, straight tracks with a rude and sudden stop at the end that our car was bound to?

I have the best family a girl could ask for. Without them I would be nothing. They are always there for me; always supporting me in the crazy endeavors I get myself into. I love them all so very much, and I am so grateful to call them mine.


My parents are my strength.
My siblings are my examples.

As my family continues to grow, so will my love for them.

Families truly are forever.

The purpose of my blog:

In the words of my dear friend Kiri.. "I really just started it because I was sick of buying journals, and of my hand not being able to catch up with my brain while hand-writing. I started it because I wanted a place to write down all the intense, and cluttered things going through my head constantly."

Now, I need to explain the title of my blog; Kaleidoscope.
A quote by Henry Ward Beecher sums it up quite nicely.

"Our days are a kaleidoscope. Every instant a change takes place in the contents. New harmonies, new contrasts, new combinations of every sort. Nothing ever happens twice alike. The most familiar people stand each moment in some new relation to each other, to their work, to surrounding objects. The most tranquil house, with the most serene inhabitants, living upon the utmost regularity of system, is yet exemplifying infinite diversities."

And such is my life. Every day is a new experience, completely unique.. but using the exact elements that were used the day before.